VII Worcester Wassail – 10th December 2011

8th December, 2011 – 9:43 pm

Saturday 10th December brings the seventh annual Worcester Wassail.  Twelve pints in the loyal city – we return every year just to completely ruin ourselves.


You can download our route guide here.


1.  The Cap ‘n’ Gown  – 45 Upper Tything  01905 28914

Turn right out of Foregate Street railway station and walk under the bridge.  The pub is ten minutes up the road, just past the school, on the left – this walk always feels longer when it’s cold and pissing it down though.  Established in 1849 and, up until a few years ago, little had changed (except hopefully the odd barrel) now it’s full of faux wood panelling with a strange L-shaped layout and sparse feel (as there are only a few tables) luckily most of you don’t turn up until much later anyhow.  They look after their beer here which is lucky as you’ll still have the power of taste this being your first pub.

Toast – To all the beers we’ve drank before, tonight we’ll drink a dozen more.



2.  The Lamb and Flag  30 The Tything  01905 26894 

Head back in the direction of the railway station and you’ll find this pub on the same side of the road (opposite St. Oswald’s Road).  A proper old man’s pub as famous for its impeccably kept Guinness as it is for its staring locals – forgive them they probably haven’t seen a new face in here in a few years.  Watch out if you’re running late as this pub is so old fashioned that the place still exercises lunch and evening openings (never mind 24-hour drinking this place refuses 12 hours!) and you won’t want to miss out on this gem.

Toast –

Drink with impunity — Or anyone who happens to invite you! [1960 Koken]




3.  The Dragon Inn   51 The Tything  01905 25845

Five minutes further up the Tything and you’ll find a 1750s, Grade II listed, CAMRA pub that you won’t need to be dragoned inn-to.  See the blackboard for today’s specials – these are not your meal specials but rather a list of banned conversation topics.  One of the banned topics is actually ‘the banned topics’ – so this guide is probably banned just by virtue of its discussion of the banned topics.  This board is the obvious result of nobody actually wanting to tell some boring bastard that they were boring everybody.  Tied to a Sheffield micro brewery there are some interesting, but occasionally very strong, brews in here.  WARNING – the website states there is no parking at the pub but if you’ve brought your car you deserve everything you get… if you are desperate for transport there is a bus stop next to the toilet though!

Toast –

For every wound, a balm.  For every sorrow, cheer.  For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer.




4.  The Saracen’s Head   4 Tything     01905 24165

Our final pub on the Tything before we head into town and to some of the more famous Worcester spots.  An old coaching house, now run by a friendly South African landlord – friendly but who doesn’t like the f_____ rude language – so mind your c____ mouth!  So there we have it, we HAVE met a nice South African.  Phil and Steve hold the world record for the world’s longest and shittiest game of darts in here – much endangering Russ’s eyes in the process.

Toast –  A toast, to twice baked bread – without which there would be no toast. – OneFishTwoFish




5.  The Fire Fly     54 Lowesmoor 01905 616 996

Now cometh your longest walk – but certainly not long enough to sober you up in any way.  Sadly now a walk which we are now doing for just one pub – and the fish and chip shop of course (wise heads stodge up with the special, double the food – half the price).  The Tything turns into Foregate Street, take a left at the A-Plan insurance building on Sansome Street , take a wide berth around the Toby’s Tavern, follow the curve of the road and take the second left onto Lowesmoor.  This is supposedly the ‘dodgy’ end of Worcester and in the correct proportion there is only 400ft of it…   The Fire Fly is just past the covert “Private Shop”, which if you need to do some last minute Christmas shopping for Nan’s present, do a nice line in arse plugs, rubber cocks and lube.  Despite the disabled access in the Fire Fly being somewhat lacking, this doesn’t stop Russ marching (so to speak), his way in though.  Dodgy olives are available for the poncey amongst us, Peruvian marching powder for the rest.

Toast – Drinkers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your money, your woman, your liver, your kids, your sanity, your job… —Anon.




6.  The Swan With Two Nicks  28 New Street  01905 28190

Head back up Lowesmoor, past the Brewer’s Tap and the Private Shop (last chance to get Nan’s pressie).  Over the lights and turn left onto Queen Street.  At the bottom of the street head onto New Street, The Swan is on the left.  A nice looking pub but they do insist on blaring music through a wholly inadequate, knackered PA.  I wouldn’t bother sticking money into the video jukebox – if you do, expect to wait two hours to hear your selections and, as we’ll probably be behind schedule at this point, you won’t make yourself too popular.  Upstairs is the Lunar bar where the décor is akin to a cross between a tart’s boudoir and a scene from the third rate film Austin Powers!

Toast –A mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. –Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.




7.  Eagle Vaults  2 Friar Street  01905 616 378

Continue up New Street and you’ll find Eagle Vaults on the corner of Pump Street and New Street (which further on becomes Friar Street).  Back to the old man pub of yesteryear and this one even sometimes has ace rockabilly bands on.  Clad in traditional Victorian tiles on the outside – the vomit just wipes off them – the Victorians really did think of everything (except how to catch Jack the Ripper or not die of TB).

Toast – To women and horses…And the men that ride them.



8.  Farriers Arms  9 Fish Street  01905 27569

Now comes an opportunity to show off your eight-pint eight-ball skills.  Take a left turn out of the pub and head up Pump Street onto High Street.  Take a left on High Street and Fish Street is the next right (opposite JJB Sports), the pub is 100 yards from the High Street.  Resist the temptation to double up on pints here as people are beginning to struggle and it’s certainly not the best pub on the Wassail.

Toast – To friends who are so amusing, to our livers that we’re abusing.


9.  The Plough 23 Fish Street

Continue to the end of Fish Street and on the left-hand corner you’ll find the Worcester CAMRA pub of the year 2009.  New to the Wassail 2010 due to the no-so-sad demise of the Pig & Drum.  It’s a bit pokey but very friendly so you might want to quietly slope out of the Farriers when nobody is looking to secure your pint and ownership of the pub quiz trivia books!

Toast – Here’s to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve.


10.  Ye Olde Talbot  Friar Street / Sidbury  01905 235730

Turn left and tumble  down Dean Street (head for the Cathedral) and go straight over the roundabout or head clockwise around to have your photo taken with old Teddy Elgar’s statue – we don’t see so much of him nowadays due to the new £20 note not featuring him.  Follow the path on the left hand side and you’ll find this boozer on the corner of Sidbury and Friar Street.  It’s a bit of a carvery style place and you’ll need to carve through the crowds to get a pint – it’s always rammed for reasons that are not entirely clear (is anything clear at this point?).  Try not to knock over a work group’s table of drinks as Bob did one year – it takes a lot of explaining from a lot of people – with “…but I’ve just drank 10 pints” apparently not a suitable excuse.

Toast –

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns




11.  Cardinal’s Hat   31 Friar Street  01905 22066

Nearly there!! Now the purists have reason to celebrate as our British overlords have overruled our EU overlords and this Austrian themed bar no longer serves half litres!  No word yet if the those (still) with a death wish can consider the five-litre stein.  Great heated outdoor area for chatting up the laydeez should you manage to identify one in amongst all the beer guts.



Toast – Wir segeln, wir sind Segeln, wieder nach Hause über das Meer. Wir segelnstürmischen Gewässern, bei Dir zu sein, frei zu sein. – Gavin Sutherland


12.  Heroes Friar Street

Continue up Friar Street and on the left, keep your blurry eyes peeled for a free-standing sign for Heroes – there is a small doorway with a set of stairs you can fall down later.  Watch your head and **** ****’s # projectile vomit stains as you enter.  This place has its fair share of nooks and grannies and seems popular with the Worcestershire yoof. Trying to find a hipster under 25 who doesn’t have a tattoo is quite a difficult task.  Once you’ve drunk your giant bottle of ale it’s on to a club, or for Steve to fall over in the street clutching a Chicken Burger (or pizza if he still has the power of speech).

Toast – “A happy Wassail this December – To a lot of folks I don’t remember”


# names have been changed to protect the innocent guilty party’s career prospects.


Post a Comment